Well.. it wasn’t exactly your ordinary Monday outing.  It was lunch time, it was Labor Day, and we weren’t in Philly.  We were in Maine.  And there’s only food group available.. Lobster Rolls!

Shawn makes things official!

(above:  garreth at masthead print studio)

Anarchy from the U.K.  Garreth makes Macho Monday international!

(above:  union jack’s: take-out wings at the fishtown loft)

Tonight is July 26, 2010.  The wing master, Chap, gives us his macho farewell.  The founding father has said his peace.  I just hope Austin, TX knows what it is getting, because Philly sure as hell knows what it is missing..

(above:  kraftwork)

This ‘Free For All’ finds a very tasty menu.  Mainly from the selection of the Short Rib Sandwich.  Half of the table took on this mid-July special, while others kicked the can with the Beer Can Chicken Sandwich, and some kept it traditional with the Burger.  I found the red cabbage apple slaw to be a perfect side for any of these sandwiches.  And now you wanna know about the beer?  Forget about it!  This place is spot on.  It might be the new reason to move to Fishtown.

(above:  4th of July on a Fishtown roof)

Between Beer Week, backyard fiestas, shore vacations, and free for all’s at North Bowl, Macho takes 6 weeks off and keeps life simple.. the way summer is meant to be.

(above:  kelliann’s)

Totally watch sports and eat these wings.  Eat hot buffalo wings the way wings are suppose to be.. HOT!  Things get even spicier when you down pints of Hop Devil, while watching the Flyers heat up the ice!

(above:  o’neals)

Don’t count these guys out.  This cheese steak can contend with the top whiz on south street.  A preferred destination for good eats and discounted micro brews.

(above:  Joey’s Pizzateria)

This pizzeria is a scene out of Fright Night.  An abandoned restaurant with harsh overhead lighting, and the only noise you hear is a high pitched, squeaking conveyor belt coming from the kitchen.  EEeEEEeeEEEEeEEEEEEeEEeeeEEEEEeE!  We’re just waiting for Leatherface to come out with his chainsaw to slice up our pizza.  Which, by the way, would be totally awesome!!  Aside from the oddly eerie atmosphere, Joey’s serves up a hell of a pie.  The slices are going so quick, many of us are wondering, ‘How can I get the pizza into my mouth faster?’  Others feel that the pies are like a Brooks Brothers suit: crisp, and the cut is just right.  I just wish they’d give that wheel some grease.

(above:  sketch burger)

AHH.. Spring Fever!  Who doesn’t love curbside seating?  What artist doesn’t like an artist friendly burger?  And another question, who is going to flex their muscle with the best burger combo? Probably everyone, cause this place is all about building your best burger.  Although there is no beer here, it is a BYO.. and lucky for Chap, he is the only one who is prepared.  That’s okay, because Anthony’s  Lounge is right down the street.  ‘Hey Tooth-pick, this ain’t your home!’  Gotta love the neighborhood bar..

(above:  yakitori boy)

Happy Birthday Halli!

(above:  the sidecar)

We have been waiting to make this a Nacho Monday Special for quite some time now.. and finally it has happened!  These are some of the best happy hour nachos Philly has to offer.  Fully loaded nachos, topped with pork and chorizo, and served with an attitude to tame your wild tortilla.  And don’t forget the other wild yeast, Bell’s Two Hearted is a regular on tap.  Don’t you wanna be my neighbor?

(above:  supper)

If you are the young professional type that enjoys a far above average taste and presentation in your chicken wing, then find yourself a seat at Supper.  These wings fall off the bone with flavor and tenderness.  And since this isn’t your average gut-bustin’ 15 cent wing joint, be prepared to make an ‘after Supper’ stop at Lorenzo’s for a cheap slice… we did.

(above:  lorenzo and sons pizza)

Cash only!  Cheese only!  Take out only!

The late night, south street, booze hound ritual.

(above:  percy street bbq)

It came as no surprise that Percy Street served amazing cuts of Texas styled BBQ, however, it did come as a surprise that they had zero Texas crafted beers on hand.  At least have a couple cases of Shiner Bock kicking around in the walk-in.  It really isn’t a big deal, because the full bar and gallon jugs allow for an ample supply of booze to go around this rowdy table of 9.  Make it known.. a piece of the Longhorn state resides on South Street.

(above:  ten stone)

The finest cuts of Filet Mignon.  Nothing left to say about this cheese-steak.  Two thumbs way up!

(above:  jose pistola’s)

No hesitation here, these are some excellent nachos.  They come fully equipped with all the right fixings to support the ultimate Nacho Rally.  And don’t you dare skimp yourself, order up all of the extras:  guacamole, chorizo, beef, and chicken.  Guaranteed to be a sure fire hit.  Now just in case you didn’t get your complete fill, and you’re looking for a late night hotdog special, then dive next door into the smoke haven, cheap beer cave known as McGlinchey’s.  Oh, and bring your Cheater friend with ya.

(above:  brauhaus schmitz)

Holy Lord!  Quite apparent that the Brauhaus Schmitz is packing some serious meat.  They got a pork sausage spiral reminiscent of Thanksgiving dinner afterbirth.  This Hausgemachte Nurnberger Bratwurst is the signature house made Bratwurst that is guaranteed to place the big hurt of satisfaction.  Now yes, I know, we are here for wings, so I will stop playing with my sausage, and move on to the hot topic:  wings.  Maybe it is a bad idea to go to a restaurant looking for wings the day after Super Bowl Sunday.  Pretty much like asking for the runt of the litter.  Luckily Brauhaus saved us a couple plates from their personal stash.  These wings have enough zing to please a Buffalo Saber.  Although the wings are only on the late-night menu, just ask the lovely St. Pauli Girl for the much appreciated favor, and she’ll be glad to help you.

(above:  the irish pub)

The Irish Pub has several locations that serve up a line of inexpsensive beers and consistently average pub food.  The burger arrives with a hearty back-yard burger presentation, fills your stomach cavity to the roof, and leaves you thinking that this is the ultimate lunchroom burger.  The kind of feeling you get in high school on cheeseburger day.  Afterwards tip-toe through the bar of high-heeled shark fins and angry popped collars, and find yourself another pint.

Macho Monday is for life!!

Macho introduces a new category to it’s Monday rotation, and bids a good fare-well to one of it’s original members.  We hope to form a Hong Kong chapter.  Jason, thanks for all your contributions, you will be missed.

(above:  memphis taproom)

..Sponge Bob Fish n’ Chips!  That’s right.  This fish is an oil filled sponge.  Or it is  fish wrapped in an oil snuggie.  Whichever.  So, Nate, the ‘Fish Finger’ Cooler, brings us to the Memphis Taproom knowing that his last experience with the fish n’ chips here was a bust.  And he believes that it deserves a second try.  Did it redeem itself?  No.  It is as medioce as it was the first time.  This fish has Frank Zappa rethinking his classic ‘keep it greasy so it goes down easy’ line.  It’s a shame too.  This homey, craft beer establishment has a lot of good qualities.  Unfortunately, there is bad fish in fishtown.

(above:  pietro’s coal oven pizzeria)

This is the second time the Macho Monday ‘Pizza Maestro’ has brought his band of macho colleagues to Pietro’s, and both times he has T-bagged the face of this saucy pie with a set of thick, meaty balls.  Oh, c’mon!  Get your mind outta the gutter.  I’m talking about their hand-made, Italian meatballs.  These balls rest comfortably in molten mozzarella lava that is swimming in a sea of zesty marinara sauce.  The perfect masterpiece painted with a brush of basil.  But the exhibition does not stop here.  Now we must move into the main gallery hall.  It is here that we find an obscure piece known to the meat and potato movement.  It is a garlic based, potato chunked topped with the abstraction of uncooked prosciutto.  This post-modern favorite did not go over well with this table of acclaimed critics.  Too dry, too salty, too over the top.  Stick with the classics.

(above:  q bbq and tequila)

No bibs for these ribs.  Just roll up yo’ sleeves and slop it up!  You would have thought that it would have been an easy decision when ordering a rack of ribs, but Q throws a wrench in your chain with a ‘not so simple’ menu.  This menu makes you feel as if you are at the bargain barn, only you’re really at the heavy-petting zoo of price-pairing confusion.  However, this is all excusable, because Q brings no confusion to the table when debating what a rib should be.  This meat stick brings the hurt so bad that its been banned from the adult rib industry.  This rib didn’t get slaughtered, it did the slaughtering.  The authenticity is transparent in the historic photos that line the walls of the restaurant.  Now one special that is certainly not special is the ‘shot n’ beer’ special.  I want to know who thinks it is a good idea to cheat a tequila shot with a partial mix of triple sec!  This must be the same mom that cuts corners and waters down the cool-aid at soccer practice.  I mean seriously!

(above:  bryne’s tavern)

Jump on the Girard Trolley and head east to Port Richmond’s friendly tavern known as Bryne’s.  It does not come as a shock when you let the waitress know that you are here for wings.  In fact, they tell you that you are here for wings.  The only real debate is, ‘how many?’ 4x 25 wing bowls please.  Just don’t be the one caught eating the bottom-bowl wing.  This wing is more like the toxic avenger’s severed toe.  Kinda scary.

P.S. If you let Big Steve get you too drunk, and you let Shawn get you too crunk, then you will drop your iphone into on-coming traffic and this will happen..

..easy come, easy go…

(above:  eulogy)

This burger will end your life.  The final word for ground beef in your pathetic flame-grilled existence.  In another life you will wake up as a stale sesame seed bun in a lethargic kitchen line at McDonald’s.  Do not be afraid of bleu cheese and leeks, however, do be afraid of leaking bleu cheese.  Sign your will, and kiss your ass good-bye.  You’re now 6-feet under in the burger shaped casket.

(above:  jim’s steaks)

When scaling the novelty tourist attractions of south street, make sure you dig through the saturated climate of hot breath and undeclared fluid waste, and find yourself amongst the regular crowd of bridge and tunnel cheese-steak gropers.  It’s here at Jim’s that you’ll find a quick and delicious fix to keep your motor running to the next quick and delicious fix.  There’s nothing like an unearned stomach filler to drag you to the next 49 cent beer pub.  This is exactly the way we do Jim’s.  Sloppy and sloppier.  Something about this fix lures a strong gravitational pull that leaves you hanging with Mr. Gonzo sending a S.O.S to the moon.  Remember that some steaks are more potent than others.

(above:  the artful dodger)

It’s fitchin’ season here at the Artful Dodger, and it’s a good thing we got Poppa Kula & The Gang to get us across these muggy waters.  Legend has it, these fish don’t take kindly to empty appetites and gas-free intestines.  This fish is equipped with a beer-battered strength that will break down your abdominal cavity, leaving you temporarily crippled in a full-body cramp.  It’s a wonder we even made out to tell..

(above:  bomb! bomb!)

Wow!  These ribs are still ‘da bomb! bomb!’  The meat falls off the bone like butter melts on corn on the cob.  And don’t get me started on the smokey flavor.  These spices explode like a shook up can of soda.  So much love for a rack that is more than an arms length.  This is truly more than a mouth’s full.  Don’t be afraid to light this place up, the fuse here at Bomb! Bomb! will keep on burnin’.

Another tour of trippin’ over food..

(above:  moriarity’s)

It all begins here, right where we left off.  This dimly lit sports bar is the launching pad for the audaciously macho rocket, better known as the Apollo F- off!  And once again, this dimly lit sports bar struggles to capacitate the iron muscle of Macho Monday.  Maybe this go around, there’s a legitimate excuse.  Could it be that:  A) our numbers with associates surged forward at an inexplainably rapid force?  or B)  our crude, and explicit eating behavior expanded the average wing span of necessary elbow room?  or C)  Big Steve brought forward an undying appetite for bludgeoned liver aerobics?  The answer my friend, would be D)  All of the above.  The city of Philadelphia has served us well, which is why we serve the city right back… with a vile display of food baby afterbirth.

(above:  the backyard on Labor Day)

Labor Day comes along during the final stretch of summer, and it begs for meat like a dog in heat.  This is why we clean the grill for one more backyard throw-down, giving birth to the one-of-a-kind ‘Hotdog Jalepeno Cheeseburger.’  Mmmmm… take it down Shawn.

(above:  black sheep pub)

It’s 7:30 on a Monday night, and the Black Sheep Pub appears to have a somewhat ‘family friendly’ dining area, that is, until we show up.  Ryan immediately fires up our ammunition with a round of car-bombs, and Steve turns up the dial of sexual innuendo by ramming his fish log into a warm cup of tartar sauce.  And by the way, this is some of the best homemade tartar sauce.  However, the ‘Fish Master’, Nate, would disagree.  He informs us that if we ever say that again, an Irish soccer houligan would kick our faces in until our eyes bleed vinegar.  But this is America, and Americans love tartar sauce!  Okay.  So now we might want to discuss portion control.  It seems that some of us machos found this fish to be more like a Miller Lite ad campaign, ‘Great Tasting, Less Filling.’  A table divided by strong contrast, and leaving the question undecided.  Do you A)  order a second round of fish and wish that had happened the first time, or B)  think about splitting an order but you  don’t, and realize that one order is just enough?  Hmm… now that’s what I call a ‘fish pickle.’  I say that when you’re walking the plank of fish, you have got to be patient.  Just like with really good ganja, you have to wait at least 20 minutes for the heaviness to kick in.

(above:  chickie’s and pete’s)

We are all familiar with the phrase, ‘When in Rome,’  or at least we are all familiar with the inappropriate and confusing use of it by Ron Burgundy: Anchorman, but on this Macho Monday the phrase holds true, ‘When in Chickie’s and Pete’s, Do as the Chickie’s and Pete’s do.’  This is why we have to order a beer dispensing tower for the table.  This is also why we have to order a cheesesteak topped with lobster meat.  Chickie’s and Pete’s is known for their seafood, and South Philly is known for their cheesesteaks, so why not fuse the two together.  Some might not buy into this novelty, and some might not want to pay twice as much for their steak, but if the Taxi Crab is a rockin’ then you knows I’m a comin’ knockin’.

(above:  the mexican post)

This seemed to be a much more laid back, and mellow ‘nacho macho.’  Normally, the margeritas spike the vein of rowdiness, and send us out cooking turkeys on lanes coated with Feckin’ Pounders.  Excuse the mad slang..something only North Bowlers would understand.  Anyways,  we’re here for nachos.  Now I don’t know what the problem is with the waterfront side of town, but Olde City has some of the worst nachos I have ever had.  We all remember ‘Mad River,’ which is only a couple doors down, and right around the corner is ‘Nicks,’ which has the city’s soggiest nacho.  The Mexican Post might have tied Nick’s for soggiest nacho.  A couple of good things that it has going for it is the pre-nacho salsa, and the shredded chicken topping.  It sure did fancify that wet tortilla plate.  The ultimate kicker of approval is that Chap liked it, he didn’t love it.  At this point, enough has been said.  Oh, but we can never say enough about the $6.00 charge for extra guacamole!  That is practically the price of the nacho plate!  At least the bathroom didn’t smell like a public pool locker room… oh wait, it did.

(above:  pizza rustica at part time studios)

Part Time Studios hosted a Macho Monday Pizza Night this past week, and it was quite a treat.  We had a take out order from Pizza Rustica located in the Northern Liberties at the corner of 2nd Street and Poplar.  This is some of the best pizza in Philly, and an absolute must for a low key stay-at-home night, or for a quick slice before work.  We kept things simple this night with four large pies.  Three of the choices were classics: cheese, pepperoni, and sauage.  We also chose to spin with a chickin and cilantro pie.  I would have to say that the classics worked better for a night like this.  It was this night where we found that the community work table has a perfectly spacious top for a 10-cup formation, and the discarded debris in the hallway makes for the best skate-park.  We’ll have to do this again real soon.  Only next time, not on the hottest night of summer.

Oh yeah, Ryan and Shawn stole the show with a come-back from behind victory over Andy and Jason to take home that big money!

(above:  el camino real)

Oh Chap.. A fresh, hot off-the-press tee-shirt has got to be your bib on rib night, doesn’t it?  One thing is for sure, it wouldn’t be Macho Monday if it wasn’t.  At least you helped bring rib night back with style.  If you check the archives, you’ll find that the last rib outing landed in the bitter cold month of January.  We all know that Jason has some catching up to do.  And he is bringing it up to speed with El Camino Real.  We’ve been here for nachos before, and it’s safe to say that the chips didn’t quite anty up.  The Ribs, however, took home the pot, and fully redeemed the menu.  There’s no need to ask, ‘Where’s the beef?’ because these shortback ribs will have you sayin’, ‘Nice to meat you.’   Now it’s okay to be a little nervous, they all are they’re first time, but just remain calm and take it down with patience and confidence.  Otherwise, you might get ‘boned in the throat.’

(above:  swift half)

On the west wing of the quad at the new Piazza Dormatory, you will find the finely tuned student cafeteria, Swift Half, which is better known as the baby brother of Good Dog.  Since we are here on Monday, duh, we are a part of the Monday night beer special, which is $2 half pints.  So we are able to slug away at the dainty lil sippy glasses.  And speaking of slugging, the home run derby is playing on the 50-foot jumbo screen located in the quad.  This kept us entertained while we waited for our burgers.  We all ordered a traditional burger, which is a 1/2 pound of grilled sirloin topped with lettuce and tomato, and served on a brioche bun.  Traditional right?  Now we are allowed, and encouraged, to personalize our burgers with a signature of cheese.  Most went with the waitress’ recommendation of bucheron goat cheese, but I decide on the aged cheddar.  I feel it is a safer route to take in the realm of burgers.  However, I hear no complaints from the other side of the table.  In fact, there is hardly anything to hear with all the gnarwly scarffing that is taking place.  Sometimes it’s okay to say ‘yes’ to the Piazza.

(above:  genos  ..as if you couldn’t have guessed that)

We gave the battle a chance, but surrendered to a post-poned outing due to a surprising number of macho absentees.  As you can see, the weather couldn’t have been nicer.  At least we headed off from Genos to watch the Phillies run a muck all over the Reds disappointed faces.  No further comment on the steaks are available at this moment.

(above:  o’neals)

Gotta love the outdoor patio seating.  Especially, when the temperatures are cooled down with the refreshing taste of happy hour beers.  And you gotta love the price of these beers when a fellow Macho offers to buy the first, and only, round of Miller Chill.  There might be a reason as to why these beers are so cheap, and it’s probably that they want this bad idea out of their summer inventory.  Nevertheless, we took ‘em down with a bitter smile.  And this smile continued into the heaping mound of nachos.  Nachos with a well-decorated exterior, but an interior that is more vacant than Joeseph of Arimathea’s tomb.  Nothing but a plain tortilla chip straight outta the bag.  Don’t get me wrong, they are good nachos, just not past the top layer.  I recommend ordering these nachos when you are upstairs crushing rounds of beer specials and bulls-eyes.  One eye on the bull and one eye on the nachos.  You don’t want that top-layer getting snagged.

(above:  north 3rd)

We got six pounds of wings.  Three pounds of each flavor: the buffalo and the thai.  Once again, this became a well fought title bout, and once again the table became divided.  It is safe to assume at this point that we machos tend to have a sweet side, as well as a loud and fired up side.  Nevertheless, I would say that buffalo came out on top after this saucy battle.  As messy as wings are, these tend to have a clean presentation.  Just the right amount of flavor to singe the upper lip.  More love for the shallow sauced wing.  Although this is not an ‘official’ wing night, I still felt that it deserved a quick lil’ review, especially because we have been here for a ‘real’ wings night.  It is known as an evening of wings with the first father figure cameo.  Unfortunately, we neglected this fine selection of wings a well-earned response.  And now you know.

(above:  allegro pizza restaurant and grill)

So I know why this is a hit in University City.  How could a sloppy drunk college student deny a greasy topped pizza pie?  It’s impossible.  They go hand-in-hand.  I would have probably loved it if I had been across the street at Copa Banana, shooting tequila all night, before I stumbled in around 2 pm for a last call heart attack.  Really the place is a pizza joint more than it is a pizza restaurant.  The best thing this place has going for it is the long cooler of frosty, alcoholic beverages.  Well, that and the package of premium cable channels they chose to purchase.  We had the privilege of watching a scene in a movie that little children in a pizzeria should not be exposed to, especially if it is only 8 o’clock at night.  Just put it this way, ‘The pizza didn’t give me a boner, but the movie did.’  Maybe they should have at least waited til 8:30 when the mood lighting set in.  Then I would have stuck around for another 3-dollar quart of beer.

(above:  johnny brenda’s)

Holy Cow!  This is a burger that we need in our lives.  Remember the last burger we had in our lives?  The infamous Standard Tap burger.  I certainly remember the reigning power.  Had me cryin’ my eyes out.  Maybe the reason this burger strikes such a chord of familiarity is because the now owners of Johnny Brenda’s also own the wonderful Standard Tap.  They both take pride in dressing your dish with the best ingredients the local farmers have to offer.  I’ve seen and I’ve tasted my friend.  Since we found a table near the open kitchen, we are able to kick back and slug an array of local beers, while we observe our burgers being cooked to perfection.  And after we chow to cow, we move to the front of the bar for some sharkin’.  There is always a good crowd around the pool table.  Just sit back, grab another beer, and wait 20 minutes before you jump in the pool.  We wouldn’t want you to get a cramp, now would we?

(above:  eulogy)

No need to mourn the death of cheap piss water specials.  Here at Eulogy, we celebrate the well-lived life of good beer.  This is a good bar to find yourself experiencing something you’ve never had before.  Just don’t go gentle into that good night.  What I mean by that is don’t randomly select the Lindeman’s Lambic Framboise as the appetizer beer.  Not unless you plan on printing lipstick on the rim of that stein.  Even if you do accidentally order it, just make sure you save face with your friends by chugging the evidence away from the table.  OK, so we’ve said enough about the beer, which is probably what we care more about this particular evening, but we’ll move forward and discuss the real issue here..the wings.  We decide to go with three wing plates: the thai, the buffalo hot, and the buffalo mild.  The buffalo hot is pretty f-ing hot!  The sauce is good all around.  I felt the wings flexed a strong muscle in this well-known mussel bar.  Chap has himself a pretty good wing beard.  And maybe I am the only one that really liked these wings, because I could have ordered another round.  I guess everyone else cared more for another round of beers.  I am down with that too.  That’s why Big Steve and myself decide to keep things real, and head to two of South Philly’s finest: The Triangle and P.O.P.E.  Life is too good to end it early.

(above:  midtown 2)

Well, it is on this dark, rainy outing that we find several machos with notable advances in their lives and in their careers.  And in true diner fashion, we all share this vital information over a foot-long cheese-steak, a pile of fries, a warm cup of coffee, and a cold round of beers.  I guess its easy to find comfort in a diner, and it’s certainly easy to find comfort in a circle of friends, but to find comfort in a foreign buffalo chicken cheese-steak is a little tricky.  The good folks at Midtown 2 know that you don’t want a runny, over sauced cheese-steak.  This is why they rub the chicken in the buffalo sauce rather than lazily pouring some slop spice on the face of an innocent cheese-steak.  They know that will only produce sticky fingers and soggy buns.  Hey, that might be OK for the bedroom, but not here in the diner.  Midtown 2 makes sure that their buttery bread roll has a warm, toasted crunch.  You know, more like the bread roll mom would make.  If you’re ever in the Jefferson Hospital area, and you’re feeling like George and Jerry, give Elaine a call and have yourself a light lunch and a cup of coffee.  Who knows, you might even find a Kramer.

(above:  el jarocho)

First off, there is nothing bad about these nachos, but at the same time, there is nothing great about them either.  At least not for me.  This probably has something to due with the fact that I had just eaten a plate of nachos at Garibaldi an hour before meeting the machos here.  I’m selfish I know.  I cheated El Jarocho.  If only I had avoided the back-to-back nachos and shown up with a fresh, clean palette then maybe my attention to detail would have been more precise.  So forgive me.  I can say that these nachos reminded me of the nachos we had at La Lupe.  The presentation, the texture, and the authenticity are spot on.  And they don’t skimp you out of the steak portions either.  If you want it, you got it.  Definitely a strong nacho plate.  They even hook yo stank breath up with complementary Chiclets after the meal.  Just don’t forget to bring the Coronas amigos.  It’s allowed and welcomed.

(above:  Sunday April 19th, 2009)

This is what it was.

(above:  la fourno)

It’s easy to get sucked into the assembly line of greasy pizza when on south street, but try to ‘avoid the noid’ and make your way to La Fourno.  Here you’ll find pizza that slam dances it’s way through a mosh-pit of deliciousness, as the fiery brick oven sets the stage for the encore sing-a-long.  Damn, La Fourno put on a hell of a show.  I reccommend following this tour.  I know because we have been following many others throughout the better part of the year.  For the many past pizza outings, we have chosen several gourmet pizza combinations that have become the staples in our deliberations towards finding the ‘best pizza’ in Philly.  We pick a pizza joint and then we always seem to try the Italia, the BBQ/Buffalo, the Siciliano, and the Cheese/4 Cheeses.  La Fourno just went Double Platinum.  The service truly has great stage presence, and the pizza can melt faces.  Dudes beware:  Your girl might drop her top for these toppings.

*P.S. The after-show after-party gets rowdy at the spring break bar, a.k.a Makos*

(above: makos)

(above: new deck tavern)

If you keep getting dealt a bad hand of cheesesteaks then you might wanna get yourself a new deck.  Good thing that there is a tavern in University City that can fix that.  Here at New Deck Tavern we found that if you wanna dine in with a large party then you have dine in the dungeon.  Hey, no problem.  In high school I use to eat my lunch in the boiler room with the janitorial staff.  So I felt right at home there, but I did feel uncomfortable when our cheesesteak baskets were anchored down into the dark hole that we were nested in, and our waitress screamed from above, ‘It puts the whiz on the skin or else it gets the hose again!’  Ok, so that never happened, but we did get the ‘whiz-with’ combo.  Now this is a cheesesteak that could easily hang with the big cheesesteak staples here in Philly, which definitely surprised me.  You could say that this New Deck dealt a hell of a wild card.  The fries alone would be enough to carry the dead weight of a worthless cheesesteak.  Some of the best beer-battered fries I’ve had in a long time.  On my clip-board, New Deck just shot a game winning basket.

(above:  standard tap)

This is a burger that sh*ts full-pounders on the courtyard after school.  This is a burger that tells other burgers what to do.  This is a burger that reveals it’s muscle without even flexing.  This is a burger that grills the cook.  This is a burger that drives a Trans Amwhich.  This is a burger that shows the ladies what a real Big Mac is all about.  This is the burger that had a full page spread in ‘Meat Bus.’  This is a burger so raw that it had Howard Stern screaming, ‘Well Done!’  This is a burger that made me cry.

(above:  el camino real)

We have heard some great things about El Camino Real.  Their striving actions to fuse real barbecue with Tex-Mex cooking is what all the No Libs heads are raving about.  So, being as it may, we had to take a look inside.  And once we looked, we found that this bed of nachos had better wake up, because you don’t wanna fall asleep on a job where Dos Segunda’s works over-time.  There are some hungry mouths to feed, and El Camino Real just gave in their 2-weeks notice.  By no means are these unacceptable nachos.  They are good nachos.  They just refuse to stand out.  The juicy, southwestern styled steak is the one star that has the chance to shine, but the five pinky-sized strips robbed it of it’s shining ability.  If only they were the size of Shaq’s pinky.  That would be pretty legitimate. Too bad they were more like the size of Avril Lavigne’s pinky.

(above: P.O.P.E)

Well it took the 5 of us, 10 raffle tickets, and one broken table to win a Ralph Steadman, Gonzo The Art, book.  I would be pretty pissed off to have won the golf visor.  Good thing our man Ryan took home a killer coffee table book.  As Big Steve would say, ‘Macho Monday.com!’

(above:  darkhorse)

Damn son.  Ernest Hemmingway should have sailed that old man, Santiago, down the Delaware River and to the front steps of the Darkhorse Pub.  Sure saved us the time.  No lie, the cobble stone roads could have been laid with the bricks of fish that they serve.  And you think I’m playin’ around? Ha.  Darkhorse has certainly set the bar high for the ‘new’ Macho Monday food category, Fish N’ Chips.  Sure, this is a heavy meal, and you can best bet that you are gonna be worthless for the next hour, but if you are gonna go forth with that bet then you best go all in with yo’ fish n’ chips.  Don’t anny up if you can’t take it down!

*Note that this is filed under ‘Uncategorized.’  Need to establish ‘Fish N’ Chips’ category*

(above:  triumph)

Yeah.  Yeah.  So we know that this place is not your everyday pizza joint.  In fact, they are far from it, but they do have gourmet pizza on the appetizer section of the menu, so we have got to give it a taste.  And while we wait, we have got to have a taste of the many beers this brewery has to offer.  One beer that is not a selection from the Triumph Beer Sampler is the swampy gym sock that is rung out into last night’s fun glass.  Kyle might have been the only macho lucky enough to score that freebie.  Maybe it is a form of payback for working the bartender so hard on this slow Monday night.  I know he made at least 8 of these bad boy samplers, and Big Steve took ‘em down like the beer shots that they were.  ‘Forget tasting this sh*t, let’s get our buzz on.’  And he did.  Actually, we all did.  So now we are waiting on our pizzas to come.  We ordered both pies that were available:  The Serrano and Fig Pizza and The Margherita. Man, we definitely should have ordered twice as many pies.  I think we each had three palm-sized slices, and had this been good pizza, then we would have ordered more.  Instead we left and bridged the gap with Big Macs and tater tots.  That should never happen.  Not with something simple like pizza.  The Margherita is absolute garbage, but the Serrano and Fig Pizza is noteworthy.  Its exotic qualities has the merit to sustain a B-Average.  The only thing holding this pie back is the quality of the dough.  That dough couldn’t have been more frozen than Vincent Fumo’s bank account.  Once again, I know this place does not pride itself on the pizza appetizer, but hey, it’s Macho Monday bitches, and we’re here for pizza.  So you betta be ready.

(above: real pizza cheesesteaks at the church)

Ok.  So if Pat’s is the ‘king of steaks’ and Steve’s is the ‘prince of steaks,’ then Real Pizza is the ‘church of steaks.’  This cheesesteak is so holy, and worthy of praise that it is blessed in the Lord’s house under the supervision of the chief sexton himself.  Now this is a cheesesteak that you can bring home to mom.  And you’re not gonna find a treasure like this in Center City.  No, you gotta make your way out to Narberth, PA.  Keep it classy Philadelphia.

(above:  pub and kitchen)

Alright.  We have found a burger that is one way and one way only.  No full three columns of made-to-order ingredients on this menu.  The only say so a customer has is as to how the burger is cooked.  And you gotta appreciate the fact that the chef tells the customer how a good burger should be.  This sense of confidence gives birth to the burger known at Pub and Kitchen as ‘The Windsor.’  And every ingredient is fresh and accounted for.  Our waitress cared so much about our enjoyment that she personal cut the burger for one of our machos.  Now that is service! (view pic above)  Such good service, that Big Steve only comes here to drink and look at the staff.  This burger gives the reigning Deuce burger (R.I.P) a run for it’s kobe, and it has the Good Dog burger oozing it’s buns off.  Although we find ourselves in a ‘Windsor Knot’ over today’s champion, you can best believe we’ll be back for more.

(above: la lupe)

Yes, it’s true.  Here at La Lupe you will find that ‘the red is red and the green is green.’  When we asked our waiter what is the difference between the red sauce and the green sauce, he simply replied ‘the red is red and the green is green.’ Honestly, what the hell does this mean?  I just ate a red crayon and I did not taste the color red, no I tasted a dense stick of wax.  Now will sombody please answer the lobster telephone, because this is ridiculous!  What might even be more ridiculous is the fact that sauteed is a mis-print for soggy.  The #96 ‘Chilaquiles Regulares’ called for sauteed nachos with a choice of red or green sauce.  These sauteed nachos were about as stable as a bundle of bricks in a wet paper bag.  And it didn’t make things easier to eat these soggy nachos without any personal plates.  But hey, it’s Macho Monday, so we’ll let it slide.  Despite the negatives that have been addressed, these are pretty damn good nachos.  Personal favorite of mine are the Pico de Gallo nachos.  They were completely authentic nachos.  The ‘real deal’ so to speak.  And what I mean by that, is that there is a full staff of mexican nationals, rather than having the proverbial Temple student spitting slang and sporting the backwards Yankees cap.  Not that there is anything wrong with the proverbial Temple student.  Just making the point of authenticity.  Ok.  One thing La Lupe pushes on the customers is the $3 plate of plantanes.  Every table has a picture, that is taking on the very table you sit at, of the $3 plate of plantanes.  I think Kyle says it all, ‘screw the plantanes.’ (see picture above)

(above:  jack’s firehouse)

Well, on a cold Monday night in January you can say that this place is quiet…almost too quiet.  It is almost as if Macho Monday just booked the entire restaurant and threw the most unhappening private party ever.  And I’m not sure that the food made up for much.  The complimentary bread plate is a mound of rocks disguised as corn bread.  Seriously, a couple machos agree with Big Steve that the stale bread tasted like the bread given to Sam and Frodo by the elves.  Although dry, it filled you up, however there is nothing magical about this.  But, we will say that it is a nice and warm gesture to at least try.  Blah, blah, blah.  It’s rib time!  And these are some meaty ribs to gnaw on.  The problem is that they are a lil’ too crunchy on the outside and a lil’ too tough on the inside.  Now we love some good charcoal flavoring, but not a stick of charcoal. It’s a good thing that they dressed that sauce to the nines, because it’s the only reason I’m complimenting this bag of bones.   Now I tell you that the sides were hardly a side of anything.  The macaroni + cheese could have been the highlight of the meal, but there is only a dimebag to go around.  I’ve sneezed more macaroni + cheese.  Also, my man Kyle thought that the mashed potatos were ‘instant.’  Yeah, it is at this instant that we realize we have been ‘firehosed at jack’s.’

(above:  silk city)

If these wings are good enough for Guy Fieri, then they must be good enough for Macho Monday.  Oh, and just in case you don’t know who that is, he’s the ‘guy’ from the show, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Kinda a big deal, but not really.  Anyways… we are here at Silk City for the second macho appearance, but this time we are here for the wings.  Now there’s no issue with whether or not these are meaty and deliciously cooked wings.  No, the issue lies on whether you perfer your bird from Thailand or Buffalo.  One macho might think that the lil’ ladybird from Thailand is ‘cute,’ while another macho might think that the Buffalo bird from the block ‘gets around.’  Really the difference is in the palatte.  Do you perfer exotic or traditional tastes?  Maybe both, which is why you found yourself with no favorite.  Just satisfied by the couple pounds of wings, an ample supply of dipping sauce, and plenty of beer specials to get you through the night.  I love the atmosphere of this place and you can best believe that I will be here again, kickin’ the sh*t outta some pounders and burnin’ up the floor with the ninja rap.  But not before I slaughter a plate of wings.

(above:  paolo’s pizza)

Right after I walked in this place, I knew that we should get the fresh, made-to -order pie.  The slices at the counter, that are on display like a trophy case, look more like a line of roof shingles with pepperoni and sausage.  Just pay the extra 5, wait the extra 6, and get a pie that won’t make you violently ill.  This is the route that we went and we were glad that we did.  We decided on four pies: the four cheeses, the buffalo chicken, the italia, and the sicilian.  All of these pies are strong selections, however, the sicilian seems to be the weakest link.  Maybe it is because the traditional toppings seemed a little too boring, or maybe it is because half of the pie fell face first onto a clorox rinsed table.  I don’t know.  I do know that other than the margarita pie we had Dock Street, this is the first time we ordered a cheese pizza.  And we went all the way with it by ordering the four cheeses.  Shoot.  This is some of the best cheesy bread.  Like Little Caesars times two.  Pizza! Pizza!

(above:  monks)

If you’re out in Center City Philadelphia, and you’re looking for one tastey burger that can be washed down with a delicious beer, then look no further than Monks on 16th and Spruce.  Here you are guaranteed to find a selection of ‘spine tingling’ burgers and ‘bone chilling’ beers.   No joke, this is quite possibly the best burger in Philly.  In fact, it is so good that a couple of us had to order another.  And it is just as good the second time around.  Now ordering the burgers is the easy part.  Finding the right beer for your burger can be a little tricky, especially when you are flipping through the pages of the beer bible.  So don’t lose your cool just because you are not keen to the whole ‘beers from around the world’ thing.   Just go to the back bar and hire the beer and spirits director.  He is a swell guy that loves exercising his drunken authority.

(above: mcgillins olde ale house)

Really it could be the ‘cheesesteak kid cusine,’ only it doesn’t come with chocolate pudding and/or brownie. You know, it is kinda like Mama McGillin packed our lunches for us. Cheesesteaks served on a cafeteria tray with a 1/2 oz bag of pathetic chips, <cough> excuse me, potato chips. I mean, seriously!? Nine bucks for this and we can’t even get a legitimate side, such as french fries? Damn, I know that the economy sucks, and that restaurants have certainly taken a hit, but really? Well, it is what it is, but what it is ain’t what it should be.   Ok, so now with that out of the way, we move forward with our focus on the cheesesteak, which is definitely not the worst cheesesteak we’ve ever had. Granted, it is prepared on a bread roll that is fresher than Will Smith after eating a pack of mentos. Yeah, and everyone knows that a sandwich is only as good as the bread it is on. So keep that in mind. It deems itself as a ‘not so shabby sandwich.’ But, two things that can make it better is: 1) the size 2) topping choices. Hey, fix that, and of course, the whimpy potato chip bag, and you might have yourself a prized steak log. Oh, just one more thing. You gotta appreciate the concern of our waitress, who was eager to hear our ‘macho monday’ cheesesteak criticism.

p.s. we gave a big, birthday macho shout out to our very own, big steve.. go get em’ you tiger you..

(above:  dos segundos)

When you recall our last ‘official’ nacho monday, which would exclude the Bar-95 birthday celebration of nachos, then you would find us at the Cantina in South Philly.  Oh, and that was back in August, so you could say that this lil’ outing was well over-due.  And with that being said, we kinda don’t play around, unless that is, we are trying ever so desperately to redeem our 2nd grade math skillz of multiplication and division.  Good God, we could not divide a $70 tab of pre-game margaritas for the life of us.  This had to be reason why the bartender hooked us up with a free pitcher at our meal.  I mean, if we are gonna act like a bunch of idiots, then we might as well get stupid drunk.  But of course, we gotta pack our bellies beforehand.  So you best believe that we did with four fatty nacho mountains.  We decided on two of the steak nacho, which was the most solid of choices, followed closely by a pork nacho, and then trailing like dead weight on the Oregon Trail is the goat nacho.  I mean come on.  This goat nacho is a novelty nacho.  Just save yourself the 8 bucks and eat a spool of thread from the dollar store.  It would be just as satisfying.  Ok, now that we have gotten that outta the way, I can safely say that this joint burns a delicious flame.  So see you here soon.

(above:  north bowl)

Listen, I can’t let this noise go unheard.   I mean, just check that 4th frame on, Baybay!

(above:  mix brick oven pizzeria)

Well, we have pretty much decided that this place is CiCi’s with a bar.   Sure, it doesn’t have the whole ‘all you can eat’ buffet, but the quality of pizza is spot on.  What I’m saying is that the pizza is a C-average student.  The type of student that has the potential to ace exams, but is too much of a burnout to compose a stroke of brilliance.  We tried hard to find the right fit of flavor.  We sampled five pies: the chilango, the chicken ranch, the smoked meat, the veggie, and the buffalo chicken.  It is disappointing to know that domino’s has more flavor.  I will say that the chilango is the only pie worth noting.  I even agree with Seth that it sweeps a dance of sassiness that has never been waltz before.  Get down with it, if you got the time to spare.  But listen, next time, make it spicier.

(above: nick’s charcoal pit)

Well, it took all 8 of us alone to max out this ‘stand in’ dining room, but we won’t let a primarily take-out establishment derail our roll. We’re here for some damn good ribs, and Nick’s Charcoal Pit brings the heat. Seriously, the windows are on fire. Look above. Oh yeah. They have a tangy, homemade bar-b-que sauce that sits perfectly in my belly, as well as under my fingernails. I mean, I am huffin’ my raptor claw for the next couple of hours. It’s that good my friend. There is even enough sauce reserve to donate towards dressing your fries. As Big Steve would say, ‘Get IN the sauce!’ And we did. I’m just glad to see the effort put forth to find the best ribs in Philly. And if you are looking to find the best ribs, just as we are, then stop by south Philly and ‘Go See Nick!’

Oh, and after you’ve cleaned the slop-box, better known as your mouth, then cruise up Passyunk and get yourself a couple pints at P.O.P.E

(above:  P.O.P.E)

(above:  the bards)

LETS GO PHIL-LIES!!! BOOM! BOOM! BOOMBOOMBOOM!!!  PH-Yeah!!  You best believe Philly, that we machos took down a couple orders of over-cooked wings, while the Phillies took down the Tampa Bay Rays in the first half of game 5.  The wings weren’t that outstanding.  Granted, I could have cared less.  I was more amped on the energy of this bar, and the momentum of this team.  But, since I am just as interested in the quality of their wing selection, I will let you know that it is completely average as far as ‘bar food’ standards apply.  That is not to say that I would deny the wings here again, especially if I be thrashin’ lagers with the slaughterhouse boyz, and corking boards until an Irish pistol whip forces me to leave.  Oh, but when I wake up in the morning, I would remember that these wings were over-cooked in the fiery pits of hell’s kitchen, which happens to be located in the back of the bards.  Ha.  Ok.  They weren’t THAT over-cooked, but honestly, it would have been easily disguised had they glazed the wings with more sauce.  That’s the real criticism.  They just needed more sauce.

(above:  north star bar)

The title says it all.  Honestly, I wasted enough time eating this pile of dung, and I refuse to spend more time writing about it.  Great, now I just spent 5 minutes posting this.

(above: rustica cheesesteaks at brown street house…aka bar95)

RIZE UP! Get yo steak on! Unfortunately, you won’t be gettin’ yo cheese on. These steaks had us asking, ‘where’d the cheese go?‘ I mean, lets face it, a cheese steak should have an appropriate proportion of both cheese and steak. Am I right? Well, there is no problem with the distribution of cheese on the Tartuso, or at least there appears not to be. Who knows, we could have been fooled by the trouffle cream, and I am pretty sure that we were. But that’s ok, because this cheesesteak is dolled up with enough flavor distractions to keep my taste buds at ease. So cheers! Oh, and since we got the cheesesteaks from Rustica, which does not have ample room for a macho crew rolling 8 deep, we decided to take the cheesesteaks home with us. But not before we stop by the foodery for frosty beverages. And please, when at the foodery, don’t be suckered into spending hard earned money on a tall boy 6-pack of Rize Energy Beer. Tastes like some 14 year old kid poured zima, snapple, and boonesfarm into a power aid bottle and took it to a sleep over thinking that he is a genius. Seriously, you can take that garbage out with the trash. But on a positive note, it was nice to have a second appearance of the ‘at home cheesesteak night.’

(above: druid’s keep, north bowl, standard tap)

(above:  slice)

MMM…If you like a crisp, buttery crust that takes you back to your pizza hut, pizza night sleepover, then find your way to 10th and Federal, and chow down on a well-topped pie at slice.  Hey, you gotta try the ‘new’ buffalo chicken pizza, which is probably the best buffalo chicken pizza I have ever had.  No lie.  We also sampled the italiana, which is topped with prosciutto, gorgonzola cheese, and arugala, and then we also sampled the caramelized onion and goatcheese, which is topped with prosciutto and bacon.  All of these pies should be washed down with a full slug of the ‘golden lager.’  Just in case you don’t know, the golden lager is: 2 parts lager, 1 part red bull.  Now this place is BYOB, so load up on the lager before you get here, and if you need the red bull then you are gonna have to flag down the lovely red bull reps.  Good luck with that.  Luckily for us, we got just enough macho flare to bring the proverbial ‘wings’ to our magic carpet ride of pizza debauchery.  Ok.  Now I am slightly disappointed that we ordered the chicken scaloppine last.  Not the best note to end on.  I mean, I’m screaming for the encore, “bring back the heat of the buffalo chicken!”  Whatever.  Not every song on the set-list is a hit.  Oh and next time we’re here, remember to bring the drugs, it’s encouraged.

(above:  coors private party at north bowl)

the beer and spirits director comes through big time.. big stevie style

(above:  a full plate)

although this place is called ‘a full plate,’ the plate known as my stomach was not left full..in fact, it was running on fumes, close to empty…probably because this quaint, lil pocket of quilted, southern flare was not prepared for the reputation macho monday stands behind…there were only three half-rack ribs left, and they were to be divided among 9 hungry machos…thankfully we had the sense to get two orders of mac n’ cheese and fried pickles..damn..we would have been floatin’ along sh*t creek on a tiny raft of ribs…could have been a ‘no holds barred’ battle where only the hungriest survive…or at least eat…ok, so enough about the quantity, which we established was extremely limited…let’s move on to the quality…these ribs were fall off the bone delicious…reminded me much of the ribs we had at cuba libre..only less fancy…these ribs were based in a full-flavored, homemade sauce that had me gnawin’ away at my fingertips…could have been, in part, that i was starving for more..

oh yeah..dont forget to stop by the foodery for some frosty beverages before you hit up this lil’ byo..

(above: union jack’s)

spread yo wings and fly west boyz, cuz we headin’ to manayunk…yeah, yeah, so its really not that far away, but considerably speaking, it is the first mini road trip for macho monday…and we stroll in there, doubling the previous population, and coming close to wiping out the inventory of there lil’ ‘wing stash’…now what did i just say? …and now it begins…so, we start things off right with a hand full of shots, which is what definitely led to chap and big steve to play ‘string around the rosie’ with an appetizer of mozzarella stix…it was kinda like watching a commercial for double-mint gay..seriously, look at the pictures above…and the mozzarella stix weren’t too terrible…at least not if you are use to the frozen food items in your local grocery store…but, hey, who am i to split hairs- WE ARE HERE FOR WINGS, DAMN IT!! so we get our first order of wings, which are the southern wings…alright, they are your mild, garlic and herb spiced wing that Colonel Harland Sanders would rave about…not exactly the wing that i would claim for a fine, southern gentleman like myself…that’s right, and we move on…so, then the second batch came out, and they definitely spiced things up a lil bit, but still, they lacked the savory flavor of a ‘world’s best’ wing…i still feel like i am being warmed up…okay, so now the knuckles are cracked for what should be the icing on the cake.. the raspberry, jalepeno wings…this is what i found myself partial to…you see, the secret is in the bottom layered ‘basement’ wing…this is when the wing gives me a slap in the mouth..probably because they overheard me disrespecting its mother…i mean, this batch hit the bulls-eye known as my taste buds…although i enjoyed them, the table remains divided…we either cared for or cared less for these wings…at one point we had an array of dipping sauces lining the table..(insert scenario) “wait a second, i just dipped my wing in ketchup!..what the hell is goin’ on here?!”…..”that’s because you’re searching for flavor!”

the question remains…if you had a friend visiting from out of town and he wanting to have the best wings that the philadelphia area had to offer…would you make the drive?

p.s. pinkies is alive and well (savannah, you know..)

(above:  silk city)

so you think you know what it tastes like to be as silky smooth as a baby seal, dripping wet from a well-satisfying swim in the arctic ocean? ha. guess again. the right response would be the ‘silk city burger’ at silk city..duh…and if you did your homework you would know that you can get this sexy beast well dressed with guacamole, bacon, and cheddar..ok, i know that some of you conservative machos want your lil lady burger dressed modestly, with a simple cheese added to a ‘plain jane’ tomato, onion burger..but hey, maybe, just maybe, you give into the temptation when a nice, long pair of guacamole legs go walking by you..because lets face it, your mouth is going to water and beg your tongue to taste it…that may sound to be, and probably is a down right naughty and low-brow attempt to form the perfect analogy…but as lousy as i may seem,  i got nothing but love for my burger…maybe you should too..

(above: silk city)

it took a couple of pushes, but sure enough lil’ adam squeezed his burly mug into a world known as the north bowl photo booth….fire up the cigars fellas..it’s a boy!

(above:  cantina los caballitos)

these nachos got more snap, crackle, and pop than a bowl of rice krispies, and they be packed with enough meat to have macho man randy savage screaming, “ooohhh yeaahh!”…these guys couldnt even mess up the complementary pre-nacho with house salsa…i was sold from the get-go…even with close to no elbow room to work with, we still managed to turn that table upside down.. leaving no nacho artifacts to be collected.. none.. seriously, we dusted the table..nothing…one minor criticism..you couldnt really tell the chicken from the pork, but, hey..it didnt really matter…either way, that is one deliciously macho nacho…im just pleased that we substituted the pitchers of beer for some tasty pitchers of margaritas…’ooohhh-weee-ohhh-weee’.. (that sound is the only real comment i have on how pleased i am that we had some pitchers of tasty margaritas)..*note that it is a great sounding response*…in fact, such a great sounding response that it tapped its pretty little voice into the marrow of our bones, sending us on a mad dash to north bowl…oh dear… ok, so now at this point i have tucked your lil hand inside mine, just the way your grandmother clenches your hand at a funeral, ..yeah that way…trust me, i know how bad it hurts… we tore the floor at north bowl..and we took down a couple of livers with it…

(above:  north bowl)

(above: the abbaye)

listen up dick nose..this is what it is…when you stroll up 6-deep asking for a round of cheesesteaks, well you better expect to be short listed…i mean that i am telling you that you will have an 8 inch keiser roll with about a 5 inch meat spread…trust me, that is like a dog that begs at the corner of your dinner table for a lil something more…and you know what really stinks the cheese…?..its the fact that we have been there before on a ‘free for all’ and seen the capabilities as to what the cheesesteak could, and f*cking should be…yeah, thats right, i am finally pissed off enough to drop an f-bomb…the chef recieved a ‘what he called simple order of cheesesteaks’ and simply f*cked it up by short changing us some serious meat..not to mention it took a good 15 minutes for half of us to recieve a couple beers from the bar, which was close to empty…lets just say that we have seen the abbaye through some good times and some bad..

(above: royal tavern)

lesson number 1…dont allow yourself to be talked out of ordering a full table spread of the perfectly prepared treat known as the royal tavern flatbread pizza…goodness gracious, it is tastey…most of us went in with the intention of having a typical pub pie that would barely appease the gnarliest of ninja turtles…and i tell ya, we all left with a power boost of sewer surfing satisfaction…i really dont know what that means, but trust me, this pie strums a beautiful note…heres a quick replay for ya: a crispy 10″ flatbread, based in garlic and oil, topped with light spinach, tomato, and ricotta, with a small bed of arugula…and because its macho monday, we topped that piece with a hearty dose of chicken… put that in your mouth and like it..

(above: backyard ribs and dirty kids)

well if you got a grill the size of texas and a backyard big enough to populate it, then you have got to take advantage of the tradition of summer with the backyard bar-b-que…sure enough, that is just what we did…and since it was the turn of ribs in the ol’ macho rotation, we took the liberties of grillin’ in the liberties…now there has been some talk about ribs being too difficult to achieve…and this might be partially true…but by george, im not ready to give my ribs up!  this just means that we have got to get our hands dirty and dig deep, because somewhere out there, a dog has buried a treasure of bones, and we will find it..damn it, we have to..

(above:  goodburger)

“welcome to goodburger, home of the goodburger, can i take your order?”  this classic kel williams quote is not going to welcome you inside this joint no matter what the title might deceive…and no, there is no liter of orange soda…there is however, a delicious special, #3 combo meal, which includes a 1/3 lb hamburger, french fries, and choice of domestic beer…its kinda like the happy meal for adults that mcdonalds never thought about…now the burgers are great but i am on the fence about how to categorize the atmosphere of this place…i mean, at one end you have the bright, fast food lighting of your everyday great american hamburger stand and at the other end you have a dimly lit, sports bar/ lounge feel…its as if they cant decide if they are going for burger king or t.g.i fridays…once again, dont get me wrong..this place has exactly what the name states, a ‘goodburger’ ..oh, also, an eclectic mix of staff and music…”between the techno music and an all asian staff, i felt as if i was in thailand, shopping for a lady boy,” -big steve

(above:  seth breaks it down to the ragin’ sounds of euro-techno)

so this is a quick lil photo montage of what the fourth was like at the no libs compound…we live free and we die hungry for more..

(directly above: the southwestern wing special)

(above:  mad mex)

ok, so first off you wouldn’t expect that a mexican restaurant in university city would be a likely candidate for philly’s “best of” with wings..but hey, anythings possible so we gave it a shot…mostly for the attempted ‘mad max’ reference in the name..at least thats why i gave it a shot…and i gotta say that i was ready to get the hell outta there and thoroughly wash my hands of any association to this establishment after sampling the southwestern wings…tasted like leftovers from the ‘college night weekend special’ that were microwaved and then sloppily dressed in something that they call an authentic, southwestern sauce but i call it an ashtray of doo-doo butter…seriously no exaggeration..just by the grace of other machos showing up late did we even consider giving mad mex another chance…so this time we made sure to steer well clear of the “special” southwestern wings in hopes that the other options of wings were not gonna send us in a full sprint to the nearest bathroom…we ordered the three other choices of wings: the honey chipotle, the san francisco, and the bbq…ok, so now were talking…these are wings that are prepared with care…these are wings that are glazed generously with flavor…i was shocked that these wings came from the same kitchen…i mean, seriously, i felt as if i was eating in a different restaurant…these are the wings that they serve to customers they care about…so this can only reaffirm the previous prediction that the southwestern wings are the leftovers from the ‘college night weekend special’…a special that some frat-bait who is too loaded on soco and lime would rave about…

(above:  mural at mad mex)

(above:  bishop’s collar)

damn we be sittin’ heavy…slammin fist first into a gnarly slop of nacho fury…and don’t be a little candy striper making the conservative choice like the most of us did…live dangerously macho and roll completely ‘balls out’ by getting the chicken chili cheese nachos..this is the choice that is guaranteed to score points in any setting of macho debauchery…*insert gold star for big steve*  now don’t find yourself in a race to see who can be the first lil piggy to clean his trough…take the time to appreciate the even distribution of toppings throughout the layers of nachos…even more so, take the time to appreciate the use of the black, red, and gold chips..a classic favorite of our mexican restaurant chain, moe’s southwest grill…

(above: dock street brewery)

west philadelphia is not afraid to say that they rock the brick oven scene like a mighty southern wind of something fierce…(big steve knows)  anyways..this comfy, inviting brewery knows just what to deliver, and no..it’s not dominos knockin at your door…and hell no it aint no digoirno in your conventional, household oven  …not unless you be whippin up a creamy brie pizza with sliced pears, toasted walnuts, and fresh rosemary…oh no they didnt…oh yes they did…and it was delish!  not to say that i haven’t had better..*insert mama palma’s name here*…but nevertheless, it be one tasty f-er right there… and i am glad to say that we took it upon ourselves to try multiple concoctions from their extensive list of pies… always nice to refresh the palette…not to mention, wash it down with an array of hand crafted brews.. a must when in west philly..

(above:  famous daves)

well ill be john brown and a half!…macho made its first chain restaurant appearance…famous daves be thy name and a good ole eatin’ of ribs be thy game… and as you can see from the picture above, these ribs are served with an arm’s length of satisfaction..dressed generously with a mild bbq that is guaranteed to ruin your favorite white tee-shirt…and if that sauce doesn’t do it for ya, then try one of the six favored sauces each and every table provides the hard working, grease covered family man that enters their hickory smoked doors…(ok, the doors aren’t actually hickory smoked, but it sounds pretty cool) ..hey, and if you’re macho enough, maybe you could even score a free round of the bread puddin’ .. that is, depending on how many bbq stains your favorite white tee collects..you bib wearing sissy…

(above:  the abbaye)

yes, that’s right..we made it to the abbaye for the second time within the month…this one, however, being a ‘free for all’…so we were allowed to munch on whatever our taste buds desired…you can see from the pictures above that we chose to have some wings, a cheesesteak, calamari salad, and a meatloaf sandwich…we didnt share any of it so i cant really comment on anything but the wings…i had the smokey  chimay wings and i felt very satisfied, although i didnt really taste the more chimay flavor that i had hoped to..nevertheless, i liked them…and i feel that i should inform that i do tend to be a soft batch cookie when it comes to wings…thats right..i tend to like the sweet, mildly spiced wing that is dressed in a sauce that strives to be different and exotic…many machos would disagree with me and call me “puuusssssaayyyy!”  so if you happen to be a soft batch cookie when it comes to wings then take my word and go try some of the abbaye’s wings..also, since i feel that i can only review the wings i am going to file this comment in the ‘wings’ file, despite that this is a ‘free for all’ macho monday…NEW SUBJECT…ok..these past few machos have been on the weak side..i know..i know..we all have legitimate excuses, but i am hoping that we can get it together and gnaw the bone of a previously existing rib next monday…count me in..ok..NEW SUBJECT…or i should say NEW TIP…dont drunkenly throw a quoit into the middle of a wet, dancing crowd..this just might be the outcome..(see picture below)

(above:  the animal party)

whether he’s sporting the ‘who shot the couch look,’ or the ‘denim dan/ canadian tuxedo,’ chap brings the party to your door…just have the chips and beer ready..

I’m not sure if this is picture is more embarrassing for steve or for me. Either way it’s macho.

(above:  Tony Luke’s)

Macho Monday rolls right into the multiple plasma-screened, south philly sports bar that is popularly known as tony luke’s, where they proudly claim “the best of the big name eateries” in philadelphia…well we were there for cheesesteaks..so of course we could not try the ‘big daddy burger’..although, on another go around, we will have to make it back for that..this is a burger so big that if you do finish the whole thing, you are rewarded a t-shirt, which im pretty sure only comes in XXL…a scene that is equivalent to the one in ‘the great outdoors,’ when john candy (r.i.p) takes down the ‘ol 96er’…ok, now back to cheesesteaks..so most of us stuck to the traditional cheesesteak with onions, peppers, and whiz served on fresh bread that is baked daily..and the beer battered fries were served hot and greasy…pretty hard to mess up this philly classic…although, the Lord knows its been done before…but not here..tony luke’s gives the hard working, blue collar man exactly what he deserves..and its just the way you like it while your watching your favorite philly team…

(above: the abbaye)

now the abbaye can’t just tip-toe around the fact that they serve some killerly delicious nachos..no, they have to dance all over that mess! it has been stated that the royal tavern, which is the prime contender, has a plate of ‘dancing nachos’…a nacho that is so well dressed that you can feel the beat on the dance floor with every bite…no joke..but last week at the abbaye, i do believe that we have found its match…the presentation for these nachos were well played, and all chips were decorated with the right amount of zing to keep us satisfied…one noticeable difference was the size comparison…the royal definitely rocks a nacho plate that could easily be dinner for two at only $9, whereas, the abbaye has the perfected proportion of nachos for one hungry eater at only $8…both, however, are absolutely worth the cash…the abbaye also offers three different toppers: chicken, veggie chilli, or shrimp…we chose to try all three..maybe you should as well..

p.s. if you find yourself wanting to win a game of doubles in pool, then don’t pick this guy..

(above: the druid’s keep) i <3 big steve..

(above:  bomb bomb)

if you want a nice rack of ribs served with the right amount of south philly flavor and attitude then look no further than 10th and wolf..here you’ll find a cozy little italian restaurant/bar-b-q grill, where the old country meets the new…this place has a little of everything, but we are there on a strict agenda..RIBS!  and for $20 most got a full rack of ribs, a side of fries and cole slaw, and a starter salad…(i opted to go for the $12 half rack)  our sweetheart of a waitress advised us to go with the sweet sauce rather than the spicy .. and she knows what shes talking about!  i could not take down a rack of ribs based in the spicy sauce…way too much kick in that mule!  we brought our own beer under the impression, given by citysearch, that this place was a BYOB…we quickly realized, after seeing the full bar in front, that we were unable to drink the tasty beverages we just purchased from the foodery..hey,no worries, because we here at macho monday are big fans of the pitchers of beer!!  now bomb bomb is the right price, portion, and environment for gettin’ down n’ durty with a rack of ribs but i got to say that cuba libre is the victor for taste and preparation…

cuba libre: “are you guys familiar with restaurant week?”

ryan: “the question is, are you familiar with macho monday?”

(above: cuba libre)

(above: soho pizza)

by far this past macho monday was coined ‘mellow’ in comparison to last weeks cherry bbq vomit fest…it was a well deserved break in macho climate for myself…so pizza was the main course this go around and i must admit that i have yet to be blown away by the pizza here…so far we have tried the pizza at: famous pete’s pizza, gusto, pietro’s, and now soho…but still i remain unfulfilled…famous pete’s pizza reminded me of the pizza hut pizza i loved to have at elementary sleepovers..gusto’s pizza reminded me why i should stick to the cheesesteaks while im there..pietro’s reminded me of THE PIZZA I REALLY DO LOVE! but at the price i choose to not afford..and soho reminded me of a typical canned ingredient pizzeria…maybe im just spoiled because i am so use to vinnie van go-go’s in savannah, ga..it just bothers me..i mean, i know that philly has this proverbial ‘diamond in the rough’ pizzeria…i know its out there…and by God, it is my job to find it!

(above: gusto)

(above: pietro’s)

(above:  north bowl)

“it was a ‘smashing’ good time,” states big steve during the aftermath of this last drunken sailor, macho debauchery… and with myself being the one that was most ‘smashed’..it was… we started the night off like any other, pitcher after pitcher and a table spread of food…this week was declared a ‘free for all’..meaning we could order anything off the menu, as opposed to our traditional week-to-week designated macho food… the majority of the table decided to enjoy the delicious cherry bbq pulled pork…yes.. i was skeptical too, but i must say that was one tasty f-er right there! definitely a strong cherry taste but it wasnt too sweet or over bearing…  others got the tater tots, which seem to be the house favorite, and are the ideal bowling snack for any bowling occasion…i also ordered the chicken salad to go with my cherry bbq pulled pork… a refreshing balance between the two, and it came with nacho chips..scored good points there…  now that dinner was over with, it was time to hit the lanes, and boy did we hit them hard… we are now TOO many pitchers deep and we decide that are going to be-friend some guys, who happen to be sailors, at the lane next to us.. before i can even release the bowling ball from my palm i am sucking down shots of wild turkey and chasing them with ‘beer shoe’ (see picture below)… by the end of the night i wake up staring at a broken back windshield and a catscan…f-in good times!.. at least my bike is ok..

(above: north bowl bowling shots..)

(above:  the bards)

well st. patrick’s day landed on a monday this year which made it a very crowded macho monday, especially since big steve directed us towards two of the busiest irish bars in philadelphia, first fado, then the bards, for some shepherds pie…we realized that the seating at fado was as close to impossible to obtain so we walked a couple of blocks over to the bards and found no problem getting a table…now i can’t remember the last time i had shepherds pie so it is hard to compare it to others..but i can say that the bards shepherds pie certainly is tasty but not very filling…i feel that the majority of the table can agree, especially since after the meal we ordered a couple of appetizers to share..AND, when we left to go play darts and shoot some pool at good dog..two members of our party ordered good dog burgers…now i dont know if all this food was a means to absorb some of that guinness, but it definitely says something about the portion of shepherds pie…

(above:  guinness at fado)

(above:  mcgillins olde ale house)

man it was refreshing set of pace this past monday…a much needed detour from the route of expensive bites that we had been taking the weeks prior…the destination for this weeks ‘wing nite’ brought us to McGillin’s Olde Ale House, a dark tavern tucked away in an alley of center city…i showed up late to find a full attendance of machos and a spread of pitchers lining the table…never a real need for menus with this bunch…just a question of ‘how many?’  i was glad to see that chap had made the order for two trays of 50 wings…and the wings were served on high contrast, teal blue cafeteria trays with an abundance of celery and carrots, and the choice of bleu cheese and/or ranch dressing…an ideal heat temperature and just the right amount of bite in the sauce…right as we finish wiping the last bit of sauce from the crevice of our lips, the victory beer representative, for beer week in philly, offers us 2 free pitchers of victory beer! what!? next thing we know, we are outside in the smokers alley having a cigarette with harry, a.k.a. the Smoking Jesus and his ‘halo of smoke’…great wings, great beer, and great company.. all at a great price….you know you love that cheese..

-oh and it was great to see john back in action!  first macho attendance since Pete’s Famous Pizza Restaurant, October 1, 2007

PS – I tried to post this in “future” but it didn’t work.  It’s confusing for me.