(above:  union jack’s: take-out wings at the fishtown loft)

Tonight is July 26, 2010.  The wing master, Chap, gives us his macho farewell.  The founding father has said his peace.  I just hope Austin, TX knows what it is getting, because Philly sure as hell knows what it is missing..

(above:  kelliann’s)

Totally watch sports and eat these wings.  Eat hot buffalo wings the way wings are suppose to be.. HOT!  Things get even spicier when you down pints of Hop Devil, while watching the Flyers heat up the ice!

(above:  supper)

If you are the young professional type that enjoys a far above average taste and presentation in your chicken wing, then find yourself a seat at Supper.  These wings fall off the bone with flavor and tenderness.  And since this isn’t your average gut-bustin’ 15 cent wing joint, be prepared to make an ‘after Supper’ stop at Lorenzo’s for a cheap slice… we did.

(above:  brauhaus schmitz)

Holy Lord!  Quite apparent that the Brauhaus Schmitz is packing some serious meat.  They got a pork sausage spiral reminiscent of Thanksgiving dinner afterbirth.  This Hausgemachte Nurnberger Bratwurst is the signature house made Bratwurst that is guaranteed to place the big hurt of satisfaction.  Now yes, I know, we are here for wings, so I will stop playing with my sausage, and move on to the hot topic:  wings.  Maybe it is a bad idea to go to a restaurant looking for wings the day after Super Bowl Sunday.  Pretty much like asking for the runt of the litter.  Luckily Brauhaus saved us a couple plates from their personal stash.  These wings have enough zing to please a Buffalo Saber.  Although the wings are only on the late-night menu, just ask the lovely St. Pauli Girl for the much appreciated favor, and she’ll be glad to help you.

(above:  bryne’s tavern)

Jump on the Girard Trolley and head east to Port Richmond’s friendly tavern known as Bryne’s.  It does not come as a shock when you let the waitress know that you are here for wings.  In fact, they tell you that you are here for wings.  The only real debate is, ‘how many?’ 4x 25 wing bowls please.  Just don’t be the one caught eating the bottom-bowl wing.  This wing is more like the toxic avenger’s severed toe.  Kinda scary.

P.S. If you let Big Steve get you too drunk, and you let Shawn get you too crunk, then you will drop your iphone into on-coming traffic and this will happen..

..easy come, easy go…

(above:  moriarity’s)

It all begins here, right where we left off.  This dimly lit sports bar is the launching pad for the audaciously macho rocket, better known as the Apollo F- off!  And once again, this dimly lit sports bar struggles to capacitate the iron muscle of Macho Monday.  Maybe this go around, there’s a legitimate excuse.  Could it be that:  A) our numbers with associates surged forward at an inexplainably rapid force?  or B)  our crude, and explicit eating behavior expanded the average wing span of necessary elbow room?  or C)  Big Steve brought forward an undying appetite for bludgeoned liver aerobics?  The answer my friend, would be D)  All of the above.  The city of Philadelphia has served us well, which is why we serve the city right back… with a vile display of food baby afterbirth.

(above:  north 3rd)

We got six pounds of wings.  Three pounds of each flavor: the buffalo and the thai.  Once again, this became a well fought title bout, and once again the table became divided.  It is safe to assume at this point that we machos tend to have a sweet side, as well as a loud and fired up side.  Nevertheless, I would say that buffalo came out on top after this saucy battle.  As messy as wings are, these tend to have a clean presentation.  Just the right amount of flavor to singe the upper lip.  More love for the shallow sauced wing.  Although this is not an ‘official’ wing night, I still felt that it deserved a quick lil’ review, especially because we have been here for a ‘real’ wings night.  It is known as an evening of wings with the first father figure cameo.  Unfortunately, we neglected this fine selection of wings a well-earned response.  And now you know.

(above:  eulogy)

No need to mourn the death of cheap piss water specials.  Here at Eulogy, we celebrate the well-lived life of good beer.  This is a good bar to find yourself experiencing something you’ve never had before.  Just don’t go gentle into that good night.  What I mean by that is don’t randomly select the Lindeman’s Lambic Framboise as the appetizer beer.  Not unless you plan on printing lipstick on the rim of that stein.  Even if you do accidentally order it, just make sure you save face with your friends by chugging the evidence away from the table.  OK, so we’ve said enough about the beer, which is probably what we care more about this particular evening, but we’ll move forward and discuss the real issue here..the wings.  We decide to go with three wing plates: the thai, the buffalo hot, and the buffalo mild.  The buffalo hot is pretty f-ing hot!  The sauce is good all around.  I felt the wings flexed a strong muscle in this well-known mussel bar.  Chap has himself a pretty good wing beard.  And maybe I am the only one that really liked these wings, because I could have ordered another round.  I guess everyone else cared more for another round of beers.  I am down with that too.  That’s why Big Steve and myself decide to keep things real, and head to two of South Philly’s finest: The Triangle and P.O.P.E.  Life is too good to end it early.

(above:  silk city)

If these wings are good enough for Guy Fieri, then they must be good enough for Macho Monday.  Oh, and just in case you don’t know who that is, he’s the ‘guy’ from the show, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Kinda a big deal, but not really.  Anyways… we are here at Silk City for the second macho appearance, but this time we are here for the wings.  Now there’s no issue with whether or not these are meaty and deliciously cooked wings.  No, the issue lies on whether you perfer your bird from Thailand or Buffalo.  One macho might think that the lil’ ladybird from Thailand is ‘cute,’ while another macho might think that the Buffalo bird from the block ‘gets around.’  Really the difference is in the palatte.  Do you perfer exotic or traditional tastes?  Maybe both, which is why you found yourself with no favorite.  Just satisfied by the couple pounds of wings, an ample supply of dipping sauce, and plenty of beer specials to get you through the night.  I love the atmosphere of this place and you can best believe that I will be here again, kickin’ the sh*t outta some pounders and burnin’ up the floor with the ninja rap.  But not before I slaughter a plate of wings.

(above:  the bards)

LETS GO PHIL-LIES!!! BOOM! BOOM! BOOMBOOMBOOM!!!  PH-Yeah!!  You best believe Philly, that we machos took down a couple orders of over-cooked wings, while the Phillies took down the Tampa Bay Rays in the first half of game 5.  The wings weren’t that outstanding.  Granted, I could have cared less.  I was more amped on the energy of this bar, and the momentum of this team.  But, since I am just as interested in the quality of their wing selection, I will let you know that it is completely average as far as ‘bar food’ standards apply.  That is not to say that I would deny the wings here again, especially if I be thrashin’ lagers with the slaughterhouse boyz, and corking boards until an Irish pistol whip forces me to leave.  Oh, but when I wake up in the morning, I would remember that these wings were over-cooked in the fiery pits of hell’s kitchen, which happens to be located in the back of the bards.  Ha.  Ok.  They weren’t THAT over-cooked, but honestly, it would have been easily disguised had they glazed the wings with more sauce.  That’s the real criticism.  They just needed more sauce.

(above: union jack’s)

spread yo wings and fly west boyz, cuz we headin’ to manayunk…yeah, yeah, so its really not that far away, but considerably speaking, it is the first mini road trip for macho monday…and we stroll in there, doubling the previous population, and coming close to wiping out the inventory of there lil’ ‘wing stash’…now what did i just say? …and now it begins…so, we start things off right with a hand full of shots, which is what definitely led to chap and big steve to play ‘string around the rosie’ with an appetizer of mozzarella stix…it was kinda like watching a commercial for double-mint gay..seriously, look at the pictures above…and the mozzarella stix weren’t too terrible…at least not if you are use to the frozen food items in your local grocery store…but, hey, who am i to split hairs- WE ARE HERE FOR WINGS, DAMN IT!! so we get our first order of wings, which are the southern wings…alright, they are your mild, garlic and herb spiced wing that Colonel Harland Sanders would rave about…not exactly the wing that i would claim for a fine, southern gentleman like myself…that’s right, and we move on…so, then the second batch came out, and they definitely spiced things up a lil bit, but still, they lacked the savory flavor of a ‘world’s best’ wing…i still feel like i am being warmed up…okay, so now the knuckles are cracked for what should be the icing on the cake.. the raspberry, jalepeno wings…this is what i found myself partial to…you see, the secret is in the bottom layered ‘basement’ wing…this is when the wing gives me a slap in the mouth..probably because they overheard me disrespecting its mother…i mean, this batch hit the bulls-eye known as my taste buds…although i enjoyed them, the table remains divided…we either cared for or cared less for these wings…at one point we had an array of dipping sauces lining the table..(insert scenario) “wait a second, i just dipped my wing in ketchup!..what the hell is goin’ on here?!”…..”that’s because you’re searching for flavor!”

the question remains…if you had a friend visiting from out of town and he wanting to have the best wings that the philadelphia area had to offer…would you make the drive?

p.s. pinkies is alive and well (savannah, you know..)

(directly above: the southwestern wing special)

(above:  mad mex)

ok, so first off you wouldn’t expect that a mexican restaurant in university city would be a likely candidate for philly’s “best of” with wings..but hey, anythings possible so we gave it a shot…mostly for the attempted ‘mad max’ reference in the name..at least thats why i gave it a shot…and i gotta say that i was ready to get the hell outta there and thoroughly wash my hands of any association to this establishment after sampling the southwestern wings…tasted like leftovers from the ‘college night weekend special’ that were microwaved and then sloppily dressed in something that they call an authentic, southwestern sauce but i call it an ashtray of doo-doo butter…seriously no exaggeration..just by the grace of other machos showing up late did we even consider giving mad mex another chance…so this time we made sure to steer well clear of the “special” southwestern wings in hopes that the other options of wings were not gonna send us in a full sprint to the nearest bathroom…we ordered the three other choices of wings: the honey chipotle, the san francisco, and the bbq…ok, so now were talking…these are wings that are prepared with care…these are wings that are glazed generously with flavor…i was shocked that these wings came from the same kitchen…i mean, seriously, i felt as if i was eating in a different restaurant…these are the wings that they serve to customers they care about…so this can only reaffirm the previous prediction that the southwestern wings are the leftovers from the ‘college night weekend special’…a special that some frat-bait who is too loaded on soco and lime would rave about…

(above:  mural at mad mex)

(above:  the abbaye)

yes, that’s right..we made it to the abbaye for the second time within the month…this one, however, being a ‘free for all’…so we were allowed to munch on whatever our taste buds desired…you can see from the pictures above that we chose to have some wings, a cheesesteak, calamari salad, and a meatloaf sandwich…we didnt share any of it so i cant really comment on anything but the wings…i had the smokey  chimay wings and i felt very satisfied, although i didnt really taste the more chimay flavor that i had hoped to..nevertheless, i liked them…and i feel that i should inform that i do tend to be a soft batch cookie when it comes to wings…thats right..i tend to like the sweet, mildly spiced wing that is dressed in a sauce that strives to be different and exotic…many machos would disagree with me and call me “puuusssssaayyyy!”  so if you happen to be a soft batch cookie when it comes to wings then take my word and go try some of the abbaye’s wings..also, since i feel that i can only review the wings i am going to file this comment in the ‘wings’ file, despite that this is a ‘free for all’ macho monday…NEW SUBJECT…ok..these past few machos have been on the weak side..i know..i know..we all have legitimate excuses, but i am hoping that we can get it together and gnaw the bone of a previously existing rib next monday…count me in..ok..NEW SUBJECT…or i should say NEW TIP…dont drunkenly throw a quoit into the middle of a wet, dancing crowd..this just might be the outcome..(see picture below)

(above:  the animal party)

(above:  mcgillins olde ale house)

man it was refreshing set of pace this past monday…a much needed detour from the route of expensive bites that we had been taking the weeks prior…the destination for this weeks ‘wing nite’ brought us to McGillin’s Olde Ale House, a dark tavern tucked away in an alley of center city…i showed up late to find a full attendance of machos and a spread of pitchers lining the table…never a real need for menus with this bunch…just a question of ‘how many?’  i was glad to see that chap had made the order for two trays of 50 wings…and the wings were served on high contrast, teal blue cafeteria trays with an abundance of celery and carrots, and the choice of bleu cheese and/or ranch dressing…an ideal heat temperature and just the right amount of bite in the sauce…right as we finish wiping the last bit of sauce from the crevice of our lips, the victory beer representative, for beer week in philly, offers us 2 free pitchers of victory beer! what!? next thing we know, we are outside in the smokers alley having a cigarette with harry, a.k.a. the Smoking Jesus and his ‘halo of smoke’…great wings, great beer, and great company.. all at a great price….you know you love that cheese..

-oh and it was great to see john back in action!  first macho attendance since Pete’s Famous Pizza Restaurant, October 1, 2007

PS – I tried to post this in “future” but it didn’t work.  It’s confusing for me.