(above:  Joey’s Pizzateria)

This pizzeria is a scene out of Fright Night.  An abandoned restaurant with harsh overhead lighting, and the only noise you hear is a high pitched, squeaking conveyor belt coming from the kitchen.  EEeEEEeeEEEEeEEEEEEeEEeeeEEEEEeE!  We’re just waiting for Leatherface to come out with his chainsaw to slice up our pizza.  Which, by the way, would be totally awesome!!  Aside from the oddly eerie atmosphere, Joey’s serves up a hell of a pie.  The slices are going so quick, many of us are wondering, ‘How can I get the pizza into my mouth faster?’  Others feel that the pies are like a Brooks Brothers suit: crisp, and the cut is just right.  I just wish they’d give that wheel some grease.

(above:  lorenzo and sons pizza)

Cash only!  Cheese only!  Take out only!

The late night, south street, booze hound ritual.

(above:  pietro’s coal oven pizzeria)

This is the second time the Macho Monday ‘Pizza Maestro’ has brought his band of macho colleagues to Pietro’s, and both times he has T-bagged the face of this saucy pie with a set of thick, meaty balls.  Oh, c’mon!  Get your mind outta the gutter.  I’m talking about their hand-made, Italian meatballs.  These balls rest comfortably in molten mozzarella lava that is swimming in a sea of zesty marinara sauce.  The perfect masterpiece painted with a brush of basil.  But the exhibition does not stop here.  Now we must move into the main gallery hall.  It is here that we find an obscure piece known to the meat and potato movement.  It is a garlic based, potato chunked topped with the abstraction of uncooked prosciutto.  This post-modern favorite did not go over well with this table of acclaimed critics.  Too dry, too salty, too over the top.  Stick with the classics.

(above:  pizza rustica at part time studios)

Part Time Studios hosted a Macho Monday Pizza Night this past week, and it was quite a treat.  We had a take out order from Pizza Rustica located in the Northern Liberties at the corner of 2nd Street and Poplar.  This is some of the best pizza in Philly, and an absolute must for a low key stay-at-home night, or for a quick slice before work.  We kept things simple this night with four large pies.  Three of the choices were classics: cheese, pepperoni, and sauage.  We also chose to spin with a chickin and cilantro pie.  I would have to say that the classics worked better for a night like this.  It was this night where we found that the community work table has a perfectly spacious top for a 10-cup formation, and the discarded debris in the hallway makes for the best skate-park.  We’ll have to do this again real soon.  Only next time, not on the hottest night of summer.

Oh yeah, Ryan and Shawn stole the show with a come-back from behind victory over Andy and Jason to take home that big money!

(above:  allegro pizza restaurant and grill)

So I know why this is a hit in University City.  How could a sloppy drunk college student deny a greasy topped pizza pie?  It’s impossible.  They go hand-in-hand.  I would have probably loved it if I had been across the street at Copa Banana, shooting tequila all night, before I stumbled in around 2 pm for a last call heart attack.  Really the place is a pizza joint more than it is a pizza restaurant.  The best thing this place has going for it is the long cooler of frosty, alcoholic beverages.  Well, that and the package of premium cable channels they chose to purchase.  We had the privilege of watching a scene in a movie that little children in a pizzeria should not be exposed to, especially if it is only 8 o’clock at night.  Just put it this way, ‘The pizza didn’t give me a boner, but the movie did.’  Maybe they should have at least waited til 8:30 when the mood lighting set in.  Then I would have stuck around for another 3-dollar quart of beer.

(above:  la fourno)

It’s easy to get sucked into the assembly line of greasy pizza when on south street, but try to ‘avoid the noid’ and make your way to La Fourno.  Here you’ll find pizza that slam dances it’s way through a mosh-pit of deliciousness, as the fiery brick oven sets the stage for the encore sing-a-long.  Damn, La Fourno put on a hell of a show.  I reccommend following this tour.  I know because we have been following many others throughout the better part of the year.  For the many past pizza outings, we have chosen several gourmet pizza combinations that have become the staples in our deliberations towards finding the ‘best pizza’ in Philly.  We pick a pizza joint and then we always seem to try the Italia, the BBQ/Buffalo, the Siciliano, and the Cheese/4 Cheeses.  La Fourno just went Double Platinum.  The service truly has great stage presence, and the pizza can melt faces.  Dudes beware:  Your girl might drop her top for these toppings.

*P.S. The after-show after-party gets rowdy at the spring break bar, a.k.a Makos*

(above: makos)

(above:  triumph)

Yeah.  Yeah.  So we know that this place is not your everyday pizza joint.  In fact, they are far from it, but they do have gourmet pizza on the appetizer section of the menu, so we have got to give it a taste.  And while we wait, we have got to have a taste of the many beers this brewery has to offer.  One beer that is not a selection from the Triumph Beer Sampler is the swampy gym sock that is rung out into last night’s fun glass.  Kyle might have been the only macho lucky enough to score that freebie.  Maybe it is a form of payback for working the bartender so hard on this slow Monday night.  I know he made at least 8 of these bad boy samplers, and Big Steve took ‘em down like the beer shots that they were.  ‘Forget tasting this sh*t, let’s get our buzz on.’  And he did.  Actually, we all did.  So now we are waiting on our pizzas to come.  We ordered both pies that were available:  The Serrano and Fig Pizza and The Margherita. Man, we definitely should have ordered twice as many pies.  I think we each had three palm-sized slices, and had this been good pizza, then we would have ordered more.  Instead we left and bridged the gap with Big Macs and tater tots.  That should never happen.  Not with something simple like pizza.  The Margherita is absolute garbage, but the Serrano and Fig Pizza is noteworthy.  Its exotic qualities has the merit to sustain a B-Average.  The only thing holding this pie back is the quality of the dough.  That dough couldn’t have been more frozen than Vincent Fumo’s bank account.  Once again, I know this place does not pride itself on the pizza appetizer, but hey, it’s Macho Monday bitches, and we’re here for pizza.  So you betta be ready.

(above:  paolo’s pizza)

Right after I walked in this place, I knew that we should get the fresh, made-to -order pie.  The slices at the counter, that are on display like a trophy case, look more like a line of roof shingles with pepperoni and sausage.  Just pay the extra 5, wait the extra 6, and get a pie that won’t make you violently ill.  This is the route that we went and we were glad that we did.  We decided on four pies: the four cheeses, the buffalo chicken, the italia, and the sicilian.  All of these pies are strong selections, however, the sicilian seems to be the weakest link.  Maybe it is because the traditional toppings seemed a little too boring, or maybe it is because half of the pie fell face first onto a clorox rinsed table.  I don’t know.  I do know that other than the margarita pie we had Dock Street, this is the first time we ordered a cheese pizza.  And we went all the way with it by ordering the four cheeses.  Shoot.  This is some of the best cheesy bread.  Like Little Caesars times two.  Pizza! Pizza!

(above:  mix brick oven pizzeria)

Well, we have pretty much decided that this place is CiCi’s with a bar.   Sure, it doesn’t have the whole ‘all you can eat’ buffet, but the quality of pizza is spot on.  What I’m saying is that the pizza is a C-average student.  The type of student that has the potential to ace exams, but is too much of a burnout to compose a stroke of brilliance.  We tried hard to find the right fit of flavor.  We sampled five pies: the chilango, the chicken ranch, the smoked meat, the veggie, and the buffalo chicken.  It is disappointing to know that domino’s has more flavor.  I will say that the chilango is the only pie worth noting.  I even agree with Seth that it sweeps a dance of sassiness that has never been waltz before.  Get down with it, if you got the time to spare.  But listen, next time, make it spicier.

(above:  slice)

MMM…If you like a crisp, buttery crust that takes you back to your pizza hut, pizza night sleepover, then find your way to 10th and Federal, and chow down on a well-topped pie at slice.  Hey, you gotta try the ‘new’ buffalo chicken pizza, which is probably the best buffalo chicken pizza I have ever had.  No lie.  We also sampled the italiana, which is topped with prosciutto, gorgonzola cheese, and arugala, and then we also sampled the caramelized onion and goatcheese, which is topped with prosciutto and bacon.  All of these pies should be washed down with a full slug of the ‘golden lager.’  Just in case you don’t know, the golden lager is: 2 parts lager, 1 part red bull.  Now this place is BYOB, so load up on the lager before you get here, and if you need the red bull then you are gonna have to flag down the lovely red bull reps.  Good luck with that.  Luckily for us, we got just enough macho flare to bring the proverbial ‘wings’ to our magic carpet ride of pizza debauchery.  Ok.  Now I am slightly disappointed that we ordered the chicken scaloppine last.  Not the best note to end on.  I mean, I’m screaming for the encore, “bring back the heat of the buffalo chicken!”  Whatever.  Not every song on the set-list is a hit.  Oh and next time we’re here, remember to bring the drugs, it’s encouraged.

(above: royal tavern)

lesson number 1…dont allow yourself to be talked out of ordering a full table spread of the perfectly prepared treat known as the royal tavern flatbread pizza…goodness gracious, it is tastey…most of us went in with the intention of having a typical pub pie that would barely appease the gnarliest of ninja turtles…and i tell ya, we all left with a power boost of sewer surfing satisfaction…i really dont know what that means, but trust me, this pie strums a beautiful note…heres a quick replay for ya: a crispy 10″ flatbread, based in garlic and oil, topped with light spinach, tomato, and ricotta, with a small bed of arugula…and because its macho monday, we topped that piece with a hearty dose of chicken… put that in your mouth and like it..

(above: dock street brewery)

west philadelphia is not afraid to say that they rock the brick oven scene like a mighty southern wind of something fierce…(big steve knows)  anyways..this comfy, inviting brewery knows just what to deliver, and no..it’s not dominos knockin at your door…and hell no it aint no digoirno in your conventional, household oven  …not unless you be whippin up a creamy brie pizza with sliced pears, toasted walnuts, and fresh rosemary…oh no they didnt…oh yes they did…and it was delish!  not to say that i haven’t had better..*insert mama palma’s name here*…but nevertheless, it be one tasty f-er right there… and i am glad to say that we took it upon ourselves to try multiple concoctions from their extensive list of pies… always nice to refresh the palette…not to mention, wash it down with an array of hand crafted brews.. a must when in west philly..

(above: soho pizza)

by far this past macho monday was coined ‘mellow’ in comparison to last weeks cherry bbq vomit fest…it was a well deserved break in macho climate for myself…so pizza was the main course this go around and i must admit that i have yet to be blown away by the pizza here…so far we have tried the pizza at: famous pete’s pizza, gusto, pietro’s, and now soho…but still i remain unfulfilled…famous pete’s pizza reminded me of the pizza hut pizza i loved to have at elementary sleepovers..gusto’s pizza reminded me why i should stick to the cheesesteaks while im there..pietro’s reminded me of THE PIZZA I REALLY DO LOVE! but at the price i choose to not afford..and soho reminded me of a typical canned ingredient pizzeria…maybe im just spoiled because i am so use to vinnie van go-go’s in savannah, ga..it just bothers me..i mean, i know that philly has this proverbial ‘diamond in the rough’ pizzeria…i know its out there…and by God, it is my job to find it!

(above: gusto)

(above: pietro’s)