(above:  o’neals)

Don’t count these guys out.  This cheese steak can contend with the top whiz on south street.  A preferred destination for good eats and discounted micro brews.

(above:  ten stone)

The finest cuts of Filet Mignon.  Nothing left to say about this cheese-steak.  Two thumbs way up!

(above:  jim’s steaks)

When scaling the novelty tourist attractions of south street, make sure you dig through the saturated climate of hot breath and undeclared fluid waste, and find yourself amongst the regular crowd of bridge and tunnel cheese-steak gropers.  It’s here at Jim’s that you’ll find a quick and delicious fix to keep your motor running to the next quick and delicious fix.  There’s nothing like an unearned stomach filler to drag you to the next 49 cent beer pub.  This is exactly the way we do Jim’s.  Sloppy and sloppier.  Something about this fix lures a strong gravitational pull that leaves you hanging with Mr. Gonzo sending a S.O.S to the moon.  Remember that some steaks are more potent than others.

(above:  chickie’s and pete’s)

We are all familiar with the phrase, ‘When in Rome,’  or at least we are all familiar with the inappropriate and confusing use of it by Ron Burgundy: Anchorman, but on this Macho Monday the phrase holds true, ‘When in Chickie’s and Pete’s, Do as the Chickie’s and Pete’s do.’  This is why we have to order a beer dispensing tower for the table.  This is also why we have to order a cheesesteak topped with lobster meat.  Chickie’s and Pete’s is known for their seafood, and South Philly is known for their cheesesteaks, so why not fuse the two together.  Some might not buy into this novelty, and some might not want to pay twice as much for their steak, but if the Taxi Crab is a rockin’ then you knows I’m a comin’ knockin’.

(above:  genos  ..as if you couldn’t have guessed that)

We gave the battle a chance, but surrendered to a post-poned outing due to a surprising number of macho absentees.  As you can see, the weather couldn’t have been nicer.  At least we headed off from Genos to watch the Phillies run a muck all over the Reds disappointed faces.  No further comment on the steaks are available at this moment.

(above:  midtown 2)

Well, it is on this dark, rainy outing that we find several machos with notable advances in their lives and in their careers.  And in true diner fashion, we all share this vital information over a foot-long cheese-steak, a pile of fries, a warm cup of coffee, and a cold round of beers.  I guess its easy to find comfort in a diner, and it’s certainly easy to find comfort in a circle of friends, but to find comfort in a foreign buffalo chicken cheese-steak is a little tricky.  The good folks at Midtown 2 know that you don’t want a runny, over sauced cheese-steak.  This is why they rub the chicken in the buffalo sauce rather than lazily pouring some slop spice on the face of an innocent cheese-steak.  They know that will only produce sticky fingers and soggy buns.  Hey, that might be OK for the bedroom, but not here in the diner.  Midtown 2 makes sure that their buttery bread roll has a warm, toasted crunch.  You know, more like the bread roll mom would make.  If you’re ever in the Jefferson Hospital area, and you’re feeling like George and Jerry, give Elaine a call and have yourself a light lunch and a cup of coffee.  Who knows, you might even find a Kramer.

(above: new deck tavern)

If you keep getting dealt a bad hand of cheesesteaks then you might wanna get yourself a new deck.  Good thing that there is a tavern in University City that can fix that.  Here at New Deck Tavern we found that if you wanna dine in with a large party then you have dine in the dungeon.  Hey, no problem.  In high school I use to eat my lunch in the boiler room with the janitorial staff.  So I felt right at home there, but I did feel uncomfortable when our cheesesteak baskets were anchored down into the dark hole that we were nested in, and our waitress screamed from above, ‘It puts the whiz on the skin or else it gets the hose again!’  Ok, so that never happened, but we did get the ‘whiz-with’ combo.  Now this is a cheesesteak that could easily hang with the big cheesesteak staples here in Philly, which definitely surprised me.  You could say that this New Deck dealt a hell of a wild card.  The fries alone would be enough to carry the dead weight of a worthless cheesesteak.  Some of the best beer-battered fries I’ve had in a long time.  On my clip-board, New Deck just shot a game winning basket.

(above: real pizza cheesesteaks at the church)

Ok.  So if Pat’s is the ‘king of steaks’ and Steve’s is the ‘prince of steaks,’ then Real Pizza is the ‘church of steaks.’  This cheesesteak is so holy, and worthy of praise that it is blessed in the Lord’s house under the supervision of the chief sexton himself.  Now this is a cheesesteak that you can bring home to mom.  And you’re not gonna find a treasure like this in Center City.  No, you gotta make your way out to Narberth, PA.  Keep it classy Philadelphia.

(above: mcgillins olde ale house)

Really it could be the ‘cheesesteak kid cusine,’ only it doesn’t come with chocolate pudding and/or brownie. You know, it is kinda like Mama McGillin packed our lunches for us. Cheesesteaks served on a cafeteria tray with a 1/2 oz bag of pathetic chips, <cough> excuse me, potato chips. I mean, seriously!? Nine bucks for this and we can’t even get a legitimate side, such as french fries? Damn, I know that the economy sucks, and that restaurants have certainly taken a hit, but really? Well, it is what it is, but what it is ain’t what it should be.   Ok, so now with that out of the way, we move forward with our focus on the cheesesteak, which is definitely not the worst cheesesteak we’ve ever had. Granted, it is prepared on a bread roll that is fresher than Will Smith after eating a pack of mentos. Yeah, and everyone knows that a sandwich is only as good as the bread it is on. So keep that in mind. It deems itself as a ‘not so shabby sandwich.’ But, two things that can make it better is: 1) the size 2) topping choices. Hey, fix that, and of course, the whimpy potato chip bag, and you might have yourself a prized steak log. Oh, just one more thing. You gotta appreciate the concern of our waitress, who was eager to hear our ‘macho monday’ cheesesteak criticism.

p.s. we gave a big, birthday macho shout out to our very own, big steve.. go get em’ you tiger you..

(above: rustica cheesesteaks at brown street house…aka bar95)

RIZE UP! Get yo steak on! Unfortunately, you won’t be gettin’ yo cheese on. These steaks had us asking, ‘where’d the cheese go?‘ I mean, lets face it, a cheese steak should have an appropriate proportion of both cheese and steak. Am I right? Well, there is no problem with the distribution of cheese on the Tartuso, or at least there appears not to be. Who knows, we could have been fooled by the trouffle cream, and I am pretty sure that we were. But that’s ok, because this cheesesteak is dolled up with enough flavor distractions to keep my taste buds at ease. So cheers! Oh, and since we got the cheesesteaks from Rustica, which does not have ample room for a macho crew rolling 8 deep, we decided to take the cheesesteaks home with us. But not before we stop by the foodery for frosty beverages. And please, when at the foodery, don’t be suckered into spending hard earned money on a tall boy 6-pack of Rize Energy Beer. Tastes like some 14 year old kid poured zima, snapple, and boonesfarm into a power aid bottle and took it to a sleep over thinking that he is a genius. Seriously, you can take that garbage out with the trash. But on a positive note, it was nice to have a second appearance of the ‘at home cheesesteak night.’

(above: druid’s keep, north bowl, standard tap)

(above: the abbaye)

listen up dick nose..this is what it is…when you stroll up 6-deep asking for a round of cheesesteaks, well you better expect to be short listed…i mean that i am telling you that you will have an 8 inch keiser roll with about a 5 inch meat spread…trust me, that is like a dog that begs at the corner of your dinner table for a lil something more…and you know what really stinks the cheese…?..its the fact that we have been there before on a ‘free for all’ and seen the capabilities as to what the cheesesteak could, and f*cking should be…yeah, thats right, i am finally pissed off enough to drop an f-bomb…the chef recieved a ‘what he called simple order of cheesesteaks’ and simply f*cked it up by short changing us some serious meat..not to mention it took a good 15 minutes for half of us to recieve a couple beers from the bar, which was close to empty…lets just say that we have seen the abbaye through some good times and some bad..

(above:  Tony Luke’s)

Macho Monday rolls right into the multiple plasma-screened, south philly sports bar that is popularly known as tony luke’s, where they proudly claim “the best of the big name eateries” in philadelphia…well we were there for cheesesteaks..so of course we could not try the ‘big daddy burger’..although, on another go around, we will have to make it back for that..this is a burger so big that if you do finish the whole thing, you are rewarded a t-shirt, which im pretty sure only comes in XXL…a scene that is equivalent to the one in ‘the great outdoors,’ when john candy (r.i.p) takes down the ‘ol 96er’…ok, now back to cheesesteaks..so most of us stuck to the traditional cheesesteak with onions, peppers, and whiz served on fresh bread that is baked daily..and the beer battered fries were served hot and greasy…pretty hard to mess up this philly classic…although, the Lord knows its been done before…but not here..tony luke’s gives the hard working, blue collar man exactly what he deserves..and its just the way you like it while your watching your favorite philly team…

By the way there’s too many D-Bags on South Street. I think. What do I know…I’m a Food Blogger!

(above: montage of various cheesesteak combinations offered at Campo’s deli)

ok…so this past ‘macho monday’ found itself at campo’s on 2nd and market for an array of cheesesteak combinations…some of the ones selected were (pictured above, top to bottom):  the cheesesteak hoagie, the stockyard (with cheese whiz added), BBQ cheesesteak, the works, and the stockyard (straight up) pictured with a very satisfied Jason Schlabach…campo’s deli specializes in cheesesteaks and they definitely delivered…it was refreshing to have a cheesesteak that wasn’t in log form, unlike our past contending deli, cosmi’s, which had me gnawing away to get rid of this raft of a sandwich…maybe the reason i have such a bad memory of cosmi’s is because a) there was no dining room (*take out only) and b) i had invested all of my attention on playing monopoly…whatever,  campo’s also earns extra bonus points with the complimentary pretzel sticks and homemade spicy mustard made by mama campo herself…mmmm..this is the kind of mustard you can taste up your nose…good looks..

“too many dune bugs on south street”- the spring break bar

(above:  pretzel dips- Campo’s deli)

http://www.camposdeli.com/index.htm